Saturday, January 2, 2010

Remembering...

The holidays always seem to be hard.

Why do we have to lose loved ones around the holidays? I am having a difficult day. Steven Ellis passed away 9 years ago today. My life was forever changed 9 years ago. I continue to love and miss him, that hasn't changed at all.

My life is great and I'm happy, that makes me feel somehow guilty and confused. It doesn't make any sense to me! I wish there was a book that explained it all, or at least made it make sense. I worry about hurting Chris, while grieving for Steven. It just doesn't seem fair to either one of them. I don't know how to act or how to feel on days like this...

3 comments:

Lindsay and Mike said...

I'm sorry Aimee! You are such a strong woman & I admire you a lot! Thank you for your lesson last Sunday. It was a great one for me to hear! Hugs on this hard day...
Lindsay

Bettridge Family said...

It is hard to know how to feel. It's not like a divorce and you don't like each other any more. You will always love Steven. I have been thinking about you and him all day. It was one of the saddest days of all of our lives. What a cute boy he was. It was fun looking at all of your pictures the other day. Some of them I have never seen. Sometimes it feels like yesterday and other days it feels like forever ago that you saw him. Life just sucks sometimes. I know we all have to die but why so young?! I'm sorry you are sad. You can call me if you want. Kaylynn sure does miss you. Love you!

Summer and Dave said...

Aimee-

You are a strong person! And I know on days like this its the last thing you want to hear because your not feeling that way yourself. Chris married you knowing about Steven - don't feel guilty for grieving. The best thing I can offer is when I miss having my brother here (sometimes it comes in waves and hurts just as much as the day I found out he died, which was over 11 years ago) I go sit in the celestial room of the temple and I feel so much closer to him. It also helps to clear my head and gain perspective on the plan of salvation - on where he is right now and what he is thinking and feeling. It helps me again recharge my battery to continue to cope with the loss while I'm still here. I know a brother is so different from a husband, but a sudden tragic loss is always hard. And remember Aimee, you are STRONG!

-Summer